"Let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God---truly righteous and holy. So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And don't sin by letting anger control you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.....Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them....Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."
God gave you every emotion you have, including anger. But He wants you to handle it the right way. Note the word "let us...tell the truth." When you're angry, instead of denying it, use it to bring about positive change. Saying: "I've been feeling angry because I value our relationship and I'd like to talk about it," brings healing and solutions. Pretending you're not angry when you are is basically dishonest. So is exaggeration: "You never listen to me....You always ignore my wishes.....Nobody does anything around here except me." Such generalizations are untrue and serve only to aggravate and paralyze, guaranteeing the problem gets obscured and goes unresolved. God's will is for you to control your anger rather than letting your anger control you. [...]
"My innermost being will rejoice when your lips speak right things."
5 important Bible principles:
1) Don't blame people and things.
Blaming is a way of evading responsibility while pointing your finger elsewhere.
"If only you'd arrive on time, I wouldn't have to nag you," or "if you quit nagging me, maybe I'd start being on time." Words like that don't help, they just antagonize the other person, perpetuate your anger, and fail to get the results you want.
2) Don't use words as weapons or a form of control.
Instead keep your emotions in check and express them in a healthy way. Remember, your goal is to solve the problem and strengthen the relationship, not leave wounds that fester. Is it easy to do?
No---that's why you need God's help. The Bible says that your words can crush the other person's spirit (Proverbs 18:14), break their heart (Proverbs 15:4), and destroy the relationship (Proverbs 18:21). Solomon said that angry words "go down into a man's innermost parts" (Proverbs 26:22).
What you say can live in the memory of another person their whole life---all the way to the grave. Is that what you want? Surely not! On the other hand, anger properly managed never needs to be regretted or repented of. Learn to discern the difference between the anger you feel and the words you speak. Anger can reveal what needs to be changed in the relationship. So ask God to show you what needs changing---first in yourself, then in the other person.
(3) "Out of the overflow of the his heart his mouth speaks" Luke 6:45 What you store on your computer's hard drive can be recalled by touching a key.
Jesus said: "The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart...the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." And when you download old resentments, you grow bitter. When you're angry, deal with it quickly. Don't walk around on a 'slow boil.' And don't sit around hoping the other person will see the light and apologize to you. What if they never do? Jesus said, "If your brother sins against you, go to him and try to make things right". Matthew 18:15. What do you value most---your point of view, or your relationship? When you "stuff" your anger and refuse to deal with the issues in a healthy way, you add another skeleton to your emotional closet. Imagine what that does to you. Doctors say resentment eats at your stomachs lining, attacks your immune system, and predisposes you to heart problems, cancer, and other physical, social, and emotional disorders. And that's not all! It preoccupies your mind, drains your energy, and cripples your creativity. It's strains your fellowship with God, your family, your friends, as well as denying you're offender an opportunity to clear their conscience and make things right with God and with you. Until you deal with the issue, you'll drag it around like a ball and chain. Refuse to live that way! Ask God for the humility and courage to deal with the issue--today.
4) The Bible says, "Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live"
Ephesians 4: 29-30.
Notice, when you lash out in anger you're not only hurting the other person, you grieve the Holy Spirit. Have you considered that? As followers of Christ we're called to try to understand what the other person needs. That means not bringing up previous offenses, dragging in other people, or using wisecracks about someone's weight, color, IQ, or physical, mental, and emotional limitations. Don't bring up things that cloud the issue and keep you from finding a solution. And don't raise the decibel level in order to intimidate or manipulate. God made you with a capacity for anger because when handled right it can be the fuel needed to bring positive change and the medicine that heals.
5) "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret."
If you're serious about managing your anger, here are two things to keep in mind:
(b) Subtlety: You make jokes about their appearance, their friends and their family, their personal hangups and habits in order to belittle them. This results in embarrassment for the other person widens the gap between you, and makes reconciliation virtually impossible. The Bible says, "Love covers all sins" Proverbs 10:12.
Just as God took the initiative, you are called to extend grace to other people before they ask for forgiveness. And even if they choose to remain your enemy, you must forgive them anyhow. Only then will you have peace, your wounds will be healed and you will be able to put it behind for good.
Trust me, forgiving heals YOU. Most of us need recovery from what has been said and/or done to us. Ask God to come in and change you from the inside out. You will feel a burden has been lifted off your shoulders and you can breathe again. God wants you to be made whole by putting your trust in Him.
May God make us strong as we walk through this life. Relationships aren't easy. May God teach us to give people the benefit of the doubt in every situation, and repay evil with good at every given chance because we just never know what the other person is going through. God bless you.
See also "Taming the tongue" and "Words have power"
What you say can live
in the memory
of another person
their whole life
Hi, I'm Debora. A lover of Jesus, a wife, and a mother of 2.
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